This Girl Named E

Falling in love is simple and uncomplicated at first, but it quickly becomes overpowering. Your emotions go out of control, and you begin to overthink and become angry or envious. That's normal when you have a crush. My favorite part about having a crush is that you get to appreciate and get to know someone regardless of whether they like you or not. However, expectations arise, and this is when overthinking and insanity set in. People need to understand that you love someone for who they are, not what you expected them to be. One of the things that bother me is when someone likes you but you like them back at the wrong moment which I am experiencing right now and that's what I'm going to talk about in this blog

Let's name her E. I have a friend. She's from California, the same age as myself, but one grade below me due to being held back. We met on an app called 'moon,' or something like that, I honestly don't remember. However, we began communicating on that app, and then moved on to other social media platforms such as Snapchat and Instagram, and finally Imessage. We chat so much every day that we've become best friends. We even exchange Christmas gifts with one another. What's strange is that we never facetime, which I wish we did in the first place, but you know how much I despised facetiming back then.

It came to the point where she began to like me. She didn't tell me at first, but she would drop hints on her Snapchat private. To be honest, I didn't mind her liking me; it's the prospect of someone truly liking me that makes me cringe. She did later tell me on her private Instagram story that she liked me, but she became obsessed to the point that I felt icky and uncomfortable and couldn't say anything, so I just ran away and started ignoring her. She did become unhappy and apologized to me, and I felt horrible, but at the same time, I prioritized my feelings over hers, and I felt like a jerk for doing so but this is where we stop being friends not stopped communicating.

Fast forward to one year later, she sent another apology, essentially stating that she was sorry for what she had done, and I reacted by apologizing for ignoring her and being an asshole. We both forgiven each other and reconnected as friends. E no longer likes me, but she does like this other guy, which makes me happy. On the other hand, I became enraged and jealous a few weeks ago when she was promposed by her crush and seeing their pictures together. I didn't understand why my feelings were all of a sudden; I assumed it was because she like someone else now and not me but it doesn’t make sense to me because i’ve gone a year without her.

 At first, I kinda knew where my feelings were heading but I didn't want to accept it because I just felt so weird then she started to keep talking about her crush to me and it just made me feel so upset. During that time all I can think about is her and it made me feel euphoric. Whenever I look at her pictures on Instagram, it just made me feel so happy to see her. Even thinking about her and me being together makes me feel happy. Just everything about her makes me happy. 

That's when I started accepting that I like her, which irritates me since she used to like me and I didn't, but now she doesn't like me and I do. It's as if the cosmos is toying with my love life, which I detest. One thing I now regret is fleeing from her, although I can't blame myself entirely because that is how I felt at that time. But what I blame myself for was taking her for granted in our friendship that I regretted. She was a wonderful women who genuinely cared about me. That makes me happy and grateful.

As Kanye said “One good girl is worth a thousand bitches”

So E, I know you’ll never see this but I like you. I know it’s all of a sudden I fell for you now and I agree but I just can’t stop thinking about you and this is how I feel. You're beautiful to me E even though you can fucking ass sometimes lol. It’s fine if you don’t like me back (again) because I know how you felt with me before so 🤭 but overall I’m serious I do fucking like you and I mean my heart for it.

btw. I’m not willing to date whether you like me or not, we don’t match each other's energy as much anymore and I don't think we'd have the same values but who knows?